The Christmas season is one of the most special times of the year with twinkling lights, festive decorations, parties and family get-togethers. But for those who have lost a loved one, the holidays can be filled with sadness remembering activities and special holiday traditions that can no longer be experienced together.
As Christmas 2017 approaches, I am reminded of my own journey through loss. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in the fall of 1996. After surgery and months of chemotherapy and radiation treatments, she was given a clean bill of health. Christmas 1997 was one of the most special that I can remember – a celebration with boughs of holly, festive mantle decorations, a fir tree and a feast with 25 extended family members.
Then came January 1998. The cancer returned and spread to her lungs and liver. My mother died in March 1998 – 3 months to the day after our amazing Christmas.
I vividly remember that the birds were singing the morning after her death, oblivious to the fact that someone I loved had just died? The sun still rose and the birds still sang, even though I was desperately trying to come to terms with a gaping wound in my heart. The months that followed were filled with sorrow, anger and depression. My mother’s birthday came and went, and then Christmas approached once again. As I pulled out the boxes of Christmas decorations, waves of sorrow and tears overwhelmed me.
As the tears subsided, I resolved to carry on the traditions from my mother’s last Christmas. We hung a Christmas stocking in her honour. We decorated with the same ornaments and holly boughs that made our last Christmas together so special. We raised a glass of sparkling wine in her honour, and remembered happier times together.
Finding Your Way Through Grief During the Holidays
Finding your way through grief during the holidays can be hard. As those around you are celebrating the season, you may be feeling overwhelmed with sadness. Here are a few ideas on how to survive the holidays:
+ Be kind to yourself. You’ve experienced a loss that has left a hole. It’s ok to acknowledge that loss. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
+ Find ways to remember your loved one. Consider hanging a stocking in their honour, baking some of their favorite Christmas treats, or playing one of their favorite songs.
+ Do some of your favorite things. Take time to experience some of the things that you enjoy – a massage, a walk, a favorite coffee shop or a crackling fire.
+ Be open to new traditions. As you treasure the memories of your time together, allow yourself to explore new traditions with loved ones that remain.
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Jeanne Sedun is the author of Someone I Love is Dying: A Practical Guide for Honouring a Loved One Before and After Death. The book offers a roadmap for supporting a loved one through their end of life journey. Part I of the book focuses on the most important things in the time that remains after a loved one has been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. Part II of the book addresses what happens after a loved one dies. Someone I Love is Dying is available online at Amazon.ca, at Bolen Books, Munro’s Books, Ivy’s Bookshop, and from Heart in Hand Books Ltd., 1467 Walnut Street, Victoria, BC V8R 1Y7 for $18.95 plus $6.49 shipping/handling. For more details, visit www.HeartinHandBooks.com.
